Top 10: Most Annoying People on 2-A-Daysby MoCoFootball Staff on 08/29/11
Top 10 Most Annoying Teammates on 2-A-Days
By Michael Cornejo
The toughest week in football is over. The annual rites of passage known as two-a-days have been a mainstay in American football culture since the leather helmet era. The rigorous multi-day even tests the mettle of players and serves as a team-bonding regime. Here's a list of 10 players in a team that always seem to get you face-palming every moment of 2-a-day practices that even carries out to the regular season.
#10 The Phonyix. He rises from the ashes out of nowhere- tanned from all the beach and pool parties he attended while you and your dedicated core of teammates sweat it out in the gym and on the track. You haven't seen him all summer and he was maybe in one volunteer workout. All of a sudden he's all for the team but we know he’s going to drop like a fly doing wounded dogs in post-practice conditioning. And since he's part of the team, you're going to be out in the heat a lot longer until he finishes.
#9 The Clown(s). These are the guys in the back that joke around. They got a look in their face that makes you ask, "what is that look in your face?" Their hands are hanging on their shoulderpads. Don't give 'em a water bottle because they find ways to get creatively annoying with that prop. They're always talking in the back and 99% of the time has nothing to do with football. The topic of conversation are usually about what skill they learned at C.O.D., what Pokemon cards they will be selling for even better Pokemon cards, and what Torri was wearing today. If they were allowed to sit on the grass, they'd sit there and play with the dandelions. Don't look at them and don't share a laugh with them. Or you'll be running hills sooner than you can say, "I wasn't even..."
#8 The Leg Lamp. He's new to football and he doesn't know the difference between pain and injury. So a routine hit will get this fragile fool laying on the ground and staying there. He gets sent to the sideline where he'll be "lampin" and flirting with the managers. Time to time he'll forget to ice the injury that's never there. Tomorrow, he'll have his permission slip from the pediatrician that excuses him from rigorous physical workouts... also known as typical football practices. Meow.
#7 The Flag Football Hall of Famer. He wowed you in passing league and combines. He is fast, got superb hand-to-eye coordination, agile, makes great cuts, perfect form, fluid leg movement... doesn't like Oklahoma Drills, becomes a dinosaur on slant routes, always nowhere to be found when the kickoff team and punt team are called forth. Double Meow.
#6 Captain Obviously Out of Position. He's 6'5 with a cannon arm. But he also weighs 360 lbs. He can chuck the ball but everything he throws goes wide somewhere. He's determined to play the glorified quarterback position because he does that superbly well on Madden in the system that equals his weight. Sorry Mr. 6'5, with the matching 6.5-40... no offense but, it's a yes to offensive line!
#5 The man with the Redskins Fan Syndrome. Your team finished horrendous last year. And the year before. And the year before. What's worst is that You haven't done anything in the off season. Oh wait you caught a 20-yarder in practice.. you're undefeated in this year's scrimmages? that's all the sign you're looking for to claim it now... here it goes.. "WE'RE GOING TO WIN STATES!" #comeonman
#4 The Headless Horseman. You've heard of Notre Dame's Four Horsemen. Did you know there were actually five? The fifth one never made the fearsome lineup because he couldn't even practice. Why? Because he didn't bring his waiver, his insurance, his physical, his parent permission form, his activity fee, his spirit packet fee, his lunch money. Johnny might be good but he can't practice. And when Johnny can't practice, he can't play! With the thoughts you'd be the thinkin' - You could be another Lincoln if you only had a head. (that was from the Wizard of Oz).
#3 The grudge-holding upperclassman rookie. He never forgot how he was bullied by the upperclassmen from last year's two-a-days. So Mr. Junior will boss the hell out of helpless freshmen and sophomores. It is as if it wasn't intimidating enough for the younger guys; this guy will go the extra mile and google, "best hazings ever." and inflict the horror. It's too bad the sophomores moved up to varsity can kick his ass so it never really pans out for the upperclassman rookie. There will be that one or two sophomores that will remember this... the cycle continues next year.
#2 The Hummer. If this was a Peanuts comic strip; he'd be Charlie Brown's dusty friend, "Pig-Pen". In your team, he's that guy who doesn’t know how to hygienically care for himself. He is humming with stink. He stinks so much, his stink has a sound. Not only does his gear stink, his locker stink, his whole self stinks. He can probably form another person with the amount of microbes growing in his body. Somebody please introduce this guy to Dial, rubbing alcohol, chlorox, and the Goddest Hygieia. People are getting staph, athletes foot, and fungus because of Oscar the Grouches like these. Not all schools in MoCo can afford gas masks.
#1 The good teammate with the agenda. He's not great for a reason. He'll make it through 2-a-days and get through the motions quite subtle. He's not doing anything extra. He's not going to wow you negatively and he's not going to wow you positively. he's not going to do anything to make you do extra. He doesn't want to upset you because he is scheming something but nobody knows it. He also doesn't want you to think much of him... funny is, you won't think much of that until the big surprise gets you.
It's picture day today and guess what; this is the last time you'll see him in helmets and pads. The fool just turned his gear in. Now you're going to look at your team picture years later and remember the times you had with the faces you see, except for the good teammate with the agenda. It's funny how you have no recollection of the guy except that he didn't bother anybody. You realize you've been bamboozled. It doesn't upset you because it was a very slick move. But his being on the team picture does ruin it. Think about how The '92 Dream Team members felt when they see Christian Laettner in their team photo. How bad would it be if he quit after that photo? exactly.
The Skittler. He's the guy who comes to practice with all the wrong colors on. Your team is black and silver and this guy is wearing green and gold. Your colors are Navy Blue, Carolina Blue, Dallas Blue, and White. And he's coming to practice with yellow shorts on.. (where on earth do you get that?). Coaches usually tolerate it but they stand out like a blistered toe. When Mr. Star player starts doing this, many others will follow. The team looks like a bunch of skittles in a few days and you coaches wonder why there's no unity in the team. That's because your team is unitedly, un-united.
The Jerry MaGuire-Tidwell. He's going to hype himself up like the sports agent that he is with his "offers" from Howard, Salisbury, Bowie State, UMBC, ESU, and SCLSU. You know those invitation letters that colleges sends EVERYONE? He considers those offers and will brag about 'em. He has no highlight tape and none of your coaches has heard of the guy. He'll tell you everything he's going to be and everything he's going to do. Problem is these guys don't always deliver. His manta goes a lot like, "Help me.. help you... hype me." By the middle of the week he's questioning himself so he'll create an anonymous screen name to create a buzz for himself. When he realizes actual work is required to succeed, he'll find an excuse, or fake injury to get himself off the team.